For all the times i was supposed to call and i forgot, i am genuinely sorry but life took over. Me time or time to chat , a luxury only the truly single or responsibility free can afford.
For all the names and the faces i forgot, it is not that you were inconsequential, it is not because you failed to make the right impression, it is just that life moved too fast and like the Eurostar you were gone before i got the chance to catch you.
For all the times you said no to me before i even got the chance to ask, it’s okay , trust me, there are no hard feelings. We often fear and distrust what we do not know or understand, if it is any consolation at all, your rejection only made me more determined to find a solution and make a way rather than wait for someone to take a chance on me.
For that one time i let you down out of the ninety-nine times i didn’t, i apologise but it is such a shame that people only remember that one thing you could not do for them , such a shame.
For all the times i failed to see or agree with your vision or point of view, it was not a slight on you dear friend, and it was not a dig, your opinion counts (sometimes) but think how boring life would be if we all agreed on the same things all the time, you thought the sand in the bottle from Alum Bay had some blue in it but i only saw brownish grey, rust orange and mud red. You see, no harm done, it is just my opinion, everyone one is entitled to have and express theirs except you live in North Korea then that could be a big problem.
For the times when my outward show of emotions or lack of in some cases riled you up and made you wonder out loud if i had human blood pumping through my veins rather than the ice you suspected was there, i apologise for being so stoic and composed thus failing to supply the kind of emotional crutch you often require, in hindsight , it was a good thing i did not add fuel to a raging fire by asking you to tone down the drama and stop embarrassing yourself, the receptionist was right, it was rude of you to speak so loud on your phone in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. I just didn’t say so at the time because i didn’t want to add to your embarrassment at being called out.To be sincere, you wear me out and there are not enough hours in the day to accommodate excess baggage and dead weight.
Life can sometimes seem like a juggling act so much so that i feel like i can’t breathe, things are much easier when you have like minded people along for the ride, to keep the ruffled waters calm and still. So, i try to take one deep breath and then another, desperately trying to keep my head above water, all i do is inhale, and inhale and inhale some more, desperately waiting for that day and that moment when i can expel that deep sigh and exhale. Ahhhhhh.
Musings from Omolola’s diary.
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